I've decided to work from home today to catch up on some laundry and I said to myself.."Self? What better way to pass the time between phone calls and laundry than to write about pink flamingos!" So here I am...writing to you fine people about a story that is sure to make you laugh. Or maybe you will leave this page thinking, "She really is weird isn't she?" Regardless, as long as it makes you smile I will be content in being weird. We all know I'm weird anyway right? I've been called a lot worse.
I grew up being the only girl kid in my family, really. I had two cousins and a brother. All three, of which, were boys. Sure I had dolls and stuff but I was more inclined to make caves in the ground and play in them with my cousins G.I. Joe's or HeMan figures than to actually play house with the dolls. I was your run of the mill tomboy. In being a tomboy, I despised the color pink. It was way too girly for me and I always chose the black one instead. My hatred for pink continued throughout elementary school, middle school, high school, and up until about 3 years ago when I actually put it on and saw how versatile the color pink is. It can be cute, sexy, plain, or sporty!
Well, during my stubborn times as a pink hater, I asked my mother to watch the kids while Ryan and I went out on the town. I'm not sure why - but it ended up to be my mother and my aunt watching the kids. I would assume that they were just hanging out keeping each other company. We went out, had a great time, I'm sure, and we got home after the bar closed. After we had discussed the evening Mom went home and I went to bed. The next morning I wake up as usual, grab some coffee, and go outside for a smoke. That's when I saw them. Multiple pink flamingo's standing in my yard. I look down at my coffee, smell it for booze, look up again, and they are still there!! I can't even remember how long I just sat there staring at these pink flamingo's blowing in the breeze. I calmly finish my cigarette and go inside to ask Ryan why he would put such discusting yard ornaments in our yard! Especially when he knows I find them hideous.
The conversation with my husband goes as usual with him staring at me and I'm sure thinking to himself, "Jesus tits, here she goes again," while I'm explaining these pink flamingo's nesting in our yard. He then tastes my coffee for booze, and meanders outside to see what all the fuss is about. He starts laughing when he sees them and swears he has nothing to do with it. I didn't see these when I got home from the bar so someone must have put these out after we were asleep. I was not hammered when I got home and I was certain that I would have seen them!!! They were big discustingly pink flamingo's!!
I call my mother. I ask her if she saw the flamingo's when she left and she was convincing enough as she stated she had no idea what I was talking about and that maybe I should consider going back to bed. By the end of the conversation she was laughing at me as well.
I thought some more on it and remembered a few days prior to this incident I was reading in the paper where some church groups would go around and put stuff in peoples yards. You then would pay them so much money (a donation, if you will) for them to clear the yard of whatever was placed in it. I wasn't aware of my church doing this so I called Mom back just to make sure. She's laughing even harder now and told me that our church does not do this. At this point, I was just plain pissed off. I just dropped $50 last night at the bar! If I took the flamingo's out of the yard without paying whatever church put them there, I would be known as the ungrateful sinner who didn't donate! If I left them out there until I had the money to donate, I would be known as the girl who spent all her money at the bar and had to wait until pay day to donate to the church. So, not only were they, by guilt, forcing someone - ME - to donate to their church, they were also trying to "help me" by keeping me from the bar! NOT ONLY would I be pegged as one of the above people, I would also be known, for those who didn't know of the donation, the girl with pretty pink flamingo's IN HER YARD!!!!!
I stewed about it all day long. Who would do this? Especially to someone who doesn't even belong to their church? Don't get me wrong. I donate to my church and always will. I find absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. But I feel that a donation is voluntary and should not be forced upon someone. Now, I usually don't do things like this but I had made up my mind. I called my mother back later that evening and told her I was going to write a letter to the editor in the paper and tell them just how I felt. I was pissed, and this was communism. Forcing me to donate...pshht...
I heard nothing but laughter on the other end of the line, which in turn, pissed me off even more. How was this funny?? Why is she laughing at this issue??
Apparently, my mother and my aunt were in cahoots with eachother the whole night. When my mother left the house for the night, she and my aunt were playing Mission Impossible. Creeping around my yard after supposedly leaving and sticking hideous flamingo's in my yard without being discovered. They figured I would more than likely be drunk when I got home and the next morning would wonder what had went on the night before with the flamingo's that I didn't remember. When she realized how much thought I had put into it and the fact that I was going to state my rage in the local paper, she decided then was the time to tell me the truth. I believe I may have hung up on her.
I grew up being the only girl kid in my family, really. I had two cousins and a brother. All three, of which, were boys. Sure I had dolls and stuff but I was more inclined to make caves in the ground and play in them with my cousins G.I. Joe's or HeMan figures than to actually play house with the dolls. I was your run of the mill tomboy. In being a tomboy, I despised the color pink. It was way too girly for me and I always chose the black one instead. My hatred for pink continued throughout elementary school, middle school, high school, and up until about 3 years ago when I actually put it on and saw how versatile the color pink is. It can be cute, sexy, plain, or sporty!
Well, during my stubborn times as a pink hater, I asked my mother to watch the kids while Ryan and I went out on the town. I'm not sure why - but it ended up to be my mother and my aunt watching the kids. I would assume that they were just hanging out keeping each other company. We went out, had a great time, I'm sure, and we got home after the bar closed. After we had discussed the evening Mom went home and I went to bed. The next morning I wake up as usual, grab some coffee, and go outside for a smoke. That's when I saw them. Multiple pink flamingo's standing in my yard. I look down at my coffee, smell it for booze, look up again, and they are still there!! I can't even remember how long I just sat there staring at these pink flamingo's blowing in the breeze. I calmly finish my cigarette and go inside to ask Ryan why he would put such discusting yard ornaments in our yard! Especially when he knows I find them hideous.
The conversation with my husband goes as usual with him staring at me and I'm sure thinking to himself, "Jesus tits, here she goes again," while I'm explaining these pink flamingo's nesting in our yard. He then tastes my coffee for booze, and meanders outside to see what all the fuss is about. He starts laughing when he sees them and swears he has nothing to do with it. I didn't see these when I got home from the bar so someone must have put these out after we were asleep. I was not hammered when I got home and I was certain that I would have seen them!!! They were big discustingly pink flamingo's!!
I call my mother. I ask her if she saw the flamingo's when she left and she was convincing enough as she stated she had no idea what I was talking about and that maybe I should consider going back to bed. By the end of the conversation she was laughing at me as well.
I thought some more on it and remembered a few days prior to this incident I was reading in the paper where some church groups would go around and put stuff in peoples yards. You then would pay them so much money (a donation, if you will) for them to clear the yard of whatever was placed in it. I wasn't aware of my church doing this so I called Mom back just to make sure. She's laughing even harder now and told me that our church does not do this. At this point, I was just plain pissed off. I just dropped $50 last night at the bar! If I took the flamingo's out of the yard without paying whatever church put them there, I would be known as the ungrateful sinner who didn't donate! If I left them out there until I had the money to donate, I would be known as the girl who spent all her money at the bar and had to wait until pay day to donate to the church. So, not only were they, by guilt, forcing someone - ME - to donate to their church, they were also trying to "help me" by keeping me from the bar! NOT ONLY would I be pegged as one of the above people, I would also be known, for those who didn't know of the donation, the girl with pretty pink flamingo's IN HER YARD!!!!!
I stewed about it all day long. Who would do this? Especially to someone who doesn't even belong to their church? Don't get me wrong. I donate to my church and always will. I find absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. But I feel that a donation is voluntary and should not be forced upon someone. Now, I usually don't do things like this but I had made up my mind. I called my mother back later that evening and told her I was going to write a letter to the editor in the paper and tell them just how I felt. I was pissed, and this was communism. Forcing me to donate...pshht...
I heard nothing but laughter on the other end of the line, which in turn, pissed me off even more. How was this funny?? Why is she laughing at this issue??
Apparently, my mother and my aunt were in cahoots with eachother the whole night. When my mother left the house for the night, she and my aunt were playing Mission Impossible. Creeping around my yard after supposedly leaving and sticking hideous flamingo's in my yard without being discovered. They figured I would more than likely be drunk when I got home and the next morning would wonder what had went on the night before with the flamingo's that I didn't remember. When she realized how much thought I had put into it and the fact that I was going to state my rage in the local paper, she decided then was the time to tell me the truth. I believe I may have hung up on her.
Some funnies for you..We have a Wii game called Boom Blockers. In some of the levels, one in particular, there are several beavers standing in the backround dancing about. You can hit the beavers with your balls (<---don't tell me you weren't laughing at that!) and they fly backwards spinning in the air. Not that the beavers are your target - but they can be eliminated just as easily as the blocks can. Well, we had some family over the other night to play Wii and Owen was having a great time knocking over the beavers. Kids are so innocent, you know. But it's that innocence that makes them that much more funny!! Two comments were made by Owen regarding the beavers...
"HEY!! Behave your beaver!!!" - I don't know about you guys but sometimes those damn beavers just don't behave! No matter how much you try to tell them too!
"The Beavers are in excitement!! The beavers are in excitement!" - And this would be when they don't listen to you when you tell them to behave.
I hope everyone has a great day!!! I'm off to do more laundry and dishes before making small talk at the school playground!!
Hahaha! We always called them hamsters. Beavers are FAR more funny. Did you guys start singing the "chong chong chiggity chong chong chiggity chong chong chiggity chong" song while you were playing?
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