Hello there!!!

I was just sitting at the office today waiting for a phone call so I figured I would jot down a few thoughts for you that have pooped into my mind the last few days. Wait a minute? Did I just say poop? Well, silly me, I meant popped but not that you mention poop........or did I mention poop? I suppose I could say that the thoughts just pooped into my mind but what or whom was doing the pooping? There has to be a pooper for poop to become poop correct? I mean, poop is waste (unless you use it as fertilizer which I stongly recommend) but living things produce poop because if doesn't belong in our body and we discard the waste in the form of urine and feces. AKA POOP! Which brings me to another question. Who the hell came up with the name Poop? I mean, say it out loud over and over again and you'll start to laugh. poop.....poop......poop......poop. It's a comical word but really...wtf? Better yet, if you are sitting in a cubical or a small office please do the above exercise without laughing. Keeping saying the word poop out loud. Not too loud, but just loud enough to where a few people around can hear you. See how long it takes them to ask you what you are doing. When they ask just say, "I have no idea what you are talking about?"

My son came out of the bathroom the other day and had his underwear in his hand. He looked and me and said, "Mom, I have to change my underwear." He held up his underwhere and I observed the makings of a shart. I calmly asked him, "Did ya' shart, Buddy?" He said, "No, Mom, I parted."

After a night of drinking I came home, layed on the couch, and turned on the TV to find the movie EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH on. I watched it for awhile but had to quickly shut the TV off and go to bed. Can you believe I started to wonder why Jessica Simpson was not famous anymore? Note to self, "You know you've had too much to drink when you think Jessica Simpson has any talent as an actress."

We are remodeling our bathroom. The plumber comes to the house and by golly is he cute. The second day came and he was there to finish things up. I must have had a bowl of balls for breakfast because I decide I should really get a picture of this guy to show everyone how hot my plumber is! So, I calmly walk up to the guy as he's leaving and say, "I'm going to be forward as I'm a pretty forward person. My dad is a plumber and I've encountered many plumbers and none have ever looked like you. I was wondering if I could take your picture with my phone and share you with the world because no one is going to believe me." He kindly obliges however a little red in the face. I turn around to get set up for my picture and here stands my 5 year old daughter grinning ear to ear. Shit.
"Are you going to take his picture Mommy?"
"Yes I am, baby girl. You said he was cute so I'm taking his picture for you!" (I'm a genius)
"OK!" she says.
I get my picture, told him he could fix my pipes anytime, and sent the guys on their way.
A little later my husband comes home for lunch and to inspect the plumbing. I pulled my precious little girl aside and said, "Now, that picture of yours is a secret. Don't tell Daddy our secret ok?"
"I won't, Mommy. Here. Double pinky promise." We shake on it and I'm in the clear.
She goes into the bathroom with her dad and two seconds later says, "I told Daddy the secret."
"Why did you do that, Sarah? You double pinky promised!"
"I told him that I thought he was cute. I didn't tell him the secret of you taking his picture, Mommy!" Fucking great.